Out in the hall?”Great, a ‘kind of private’ talk with Abby Kowalski and I’d left my cup in my gym locker. Oh, well, I may as well die and get it over with.I glanced at the clock. “Make it quick. Band practice starts in ten.” I said.“It won’t take that long,” she replied. I left my horn on my chair and followed her out into the hallway.Once we were in the hall, Abby looked nervous. That was absolutely out of character for her. Abby was always poised and regal. A bitch, yes, but a regal bitch all the same.“I’m just going to come right out with this, John,” she said. “I want to apologize for being a total bitch.”“Okay...” I drawled. “What brought this on?”“That’s not important,” Abby said. “Let’s just say it was hammered home to me that I was acting like a spoiled princess and given some big reasons to change my behavior. I’m starting by apologizing to people. I apologize, John. I treated you like shit because you were a freshman. There wasn’t any reason for that and I’m sorry. As a. Far greater torturous pleasure can be instilled in the mind than your body would ever allow you to feel.”Only a short break is given to me to let a faint feeling of hope sprout, clinging to those words, before being nipped—no, crushed—in the bud when the voices resume, “But if your will is weak, your body will perish and you will spend eternity in this plane of existence, experiencing endless suffering forevermore, never really dying but wishing you would.”While the little rationality I desperately try to hold on to urges me to scream my protest and my panic needs me to squirm free of… whatever is holding me captive: a nonexistent confinement deeply seated in my subconscious? My body parts seem to flash in and out of existence, fallen apart, yet still attached to my brain as if held together by a bundle of stringy nerves letting each dissected bit dance and rearrange in new strange ways. The knowledge that all of this is just mind-trickery comes with the recognition that there is no.
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